Poems and ramblings from the Gothic steel church

Poems and ramblings from the Gothic steel church

Well, these poems are made all after this writer's ramblings in an old gothic church.

In fact, aside from having friends, love for pasta, and even having a "crush" amongst the students, this writer felt seeing both sacred and strangeness, of both stained glasses and hobos, people praying day and night as if making the church into an abode for those wanting their wishes to be fulfilled and agonies lessen.

Quite strange at first to made this writeup as well as his collection of poems especially that other than looking at the pictures also listening to the songs of Varg Vikernes and his adherence to the pagan faith or the songs of Faruk Jazic with some of it made this writer took time making his poems "singable" to the tunes of those made by Jazic. Yes, quite contradicting especially that this writer listens to pagan black metal especially to the one behind the burning of churches in Sweden, or a Muslim that speaks about his love for homeland strumming Hispanic like music full of passion and love, while at the same time going to an Augustinian Recollect sanctuary especially its college and its laboratory restaurant where he had first met his crush and the rest of the gang who loves alcohol and parties.

Otherwise, he also tackles about the paranoia around his family that oftentimes vent rage against him for his mistakes, or even because of seeing him badly without any reason; or even some that are partly based from existing songs that made this writer made some versions of it, of course there he ought to recognize the people behind those songs that made this writer getting inspired and make his own versions of it. 

After all, instead of keeping it all to himself, perhaps he had to convey everything especially through poetry. His observations, his experiences somehow made it compelling to do so, whether it speaks of love or disgust, it all happened on that place this writer had use to go to.

Lost souls...around the Gothic steel church

Deprived, all deprived

Their possessions few, sanity nearly lost

with eyes cast below

feeling the torment of a sickening reality

made by the devils real and none

Lost souls, surrounding the Gothic steel church

Hearing the litanies and sermons

And seeing people in uniforms

The bells of repentances continuously pealing

Then suddenly silent at evening

They all felt the stench of every grime

Urine and shit of both man and beast

The insults of the burghers intensified

Making fire to the hearts of the eternally dispossessed

Yet despite all their eyes still cast below

Feeling their deprivation and their silent destruction

All despite the covered smiles  they convey

And food all given by "blessed" others from far away

All as living gargoyles outside its gates

All trying to escape the sicken realities

Yet despite all the attempts all end as dreams 

And figments of imagination

But now in all their deep sleep

Perhaps waiting for the final judgement

With their eyes wanting to be opened.

With your eyes

One evening I want to have a talk with you
Yet you are quite silent, nor expressing through
I miss you somehow, thinking all those times
But I don't know if you're remembr'ing me too
Thinking all our memories, pleasures, all the joys
But I don't know perhaps you left it all

Yet your love is selfless
Your passion is endless
Why you driven me to Ecstasy?
Yet you're leaving,
And forgetting,
Heart's confusing all over me?

With your eyes recalling, all the happiness
And your sweet voice easing all the loneliness
Missing all your passions, giving me hope
Pleasure turns to love, all and all
Songs that ease the heartaches, kisses fills the none
Yet you left me alone, and I don't know

Yet your love's my passion
And all's but seduction
Why you driven me to Ecstasy?
Yet you're leaving,
And forgetting,
Heart's confusing all over me?

Perhaps it's all but nothing but a memory
A dream that end up hopeless, and unfulfilling
Can't withstand confusions, trying to move on
Thinking all as past, all as void
All after the loneliness, trying to be strong
Confusion! Than love is but the norm

Yet your love's my passion
And all's but seduction
Why you driven me to Ecstasy?
Yet you're leaving,
And forgetting,
Heart's confusing all over me?


"To Marina"

Alone walking in darkness
Feeling the cold quite helpless
Looking the skies and thinking
Thinking of old school love
Yet in this world of struggle
Protest march and street rumble
Sought one seemed contradicting
I don't know what's coming

Quite strange to see fate had made in
Through the window our eyes both seeing
Shyness eased so is the contradicting
With my heart I don't know why is throbbing

Perhaps this is the answer to prayers
And the dreams and the sketches and others
All the art that perhaps she's the feature
With a love that's to shown...in future

Then as we met together
Twas two days and after
Seeing smiles and laughter
With the food and wine
You inspire me for so long
And your love made me strong
In this world of struggle
You made me quite known

So inspiring to see your presence
Inspiring that exceeds your existence
With your beauty and charm is the essence
All your love that molds I despite absence

Yet I don't know why fate comes to see you
Through your eyes casts a spell says "I love you"
Yet you end up with I felt dismaying
With an open ending

Perhaps you're with another
While I am still alone
And yet your name is still inscribed
In my heart ready to thrown
But then you are worth remembring
Despite the pain and suffering
I hope someday will come
If this story end done

I don't know why your name keeps calling
Same as your presence keeps returning
I tried to forget and I am trying
Yet I can't withstand the outmost feeling

perhaps your name all means forever
And our love is all mean together
Perhaps fate had bound us no other
Forever, my love, Marina.

All is like a ramp in walking the streets

All is like a ramp in walking the streets

With men with their eyes on you staring

Passion-filled love quite confusing

As you came upon to me

And seeing your exquisite beauty

That made me ask straightly:

Oh Miah, may I say I love you?

Tell me oh Miah, why you had came to me

The fire of your love made me confusing

Tell me Miah, mujer mia,

 Am I really dreaming?

Lady of the nights, passion filled moonrise

Are my wishes been granted

Is it Miah, mujer mia

Or is my heart whining?

With the nights darkn'ing outside the old steel church

Seeing you with friends enjoying

Passion filled love to her seemed flourishing

With her charm brings upon to me

Sensing her exquisite beauty

That made me ask straightly:

Oh Miah, may I say I love you?

Tell me oh Miah, why you had came to me

The fire of your love made me confusing

Tell me Miah, mujer mia,

 Am I really dreaming?

Lady of the nights, passion filled moonrise

Are my wishes been granted

Is it Miah, mujer mia

Or is my heart whining?

As the golden lilies hath flourished again

And the moon shines quite glowing bright

And in seeing you oh Miah,

the streets had offered you a ramp

Sensing still your exquisite beauty

That made me again ask straightly:

Oh Miah, may I say I love you?

Tell me oh Miah, why you had came to me

The fire of your love made me confusing

Tell me Miah, mujer mia,

 Am I really dreaming?

Lady of the nights, passion filled moonrise

Are my wishes been granted

Is it Miah, mujer mia

Or is my heart whining?

Tell me Miah, mujer mia, 

Is my love all but a whining?

All after seeing, blaming him

He had done mistakes such those from the past
And now He is trying to control the urges to the last
He ceaselessly keeping silent escaping their possible rant
With the doors of his room locked making someone far from their can't

But yesterday someone else's with paranoia speak much against him
Thinking all badly all after in the dresser and blaming quite mean
He was looking at the mirror on its door that time yet the paranoid doesn't believe him
Thinking all but a thief despite the innocence the former hath spoke in

Or even earlier out of a picture someone else had sought
At first he said all but opinion but in anger all blame instead had brought
The mistakes of the past putting directly towards him
With threats of death or even chains all just to scream

All but strange to see, hear all blames, with or without say
Just because he had done wrong before or they have their right to blame
One my be drunk and badly tell with a display of power tripping
Urging one to lie tying to escape the wrath after a feeling

Their hatred made the affected wanting to vent its voice
Despite all the warnings, threats and the irrational noise
Yes, he had done mistakes, he had vent disrespect
Yet he also had remorse all after the events hath been set

Yes, since the past had been full of mistakes, and now he tries to think not
Controlling all the urges, averting the rage possibly may brought
And with his eyes all closed to sleep trying to keep things at rest
Or perhaps trying to flee away from where is all but a test

Let me go! (From my pasts)

I can't withstand the pressures with others trying to dictate my heart

Yet they give nothing all to me as they squander every part

Nearly leaving me in pain all devoid of everything

Despite all the wealth that is, come and going

It's all but strange these days that these well known bourgeoisie

Now mooching and promising yet not fulfilling

My heart nearly became slave of the shit, all guised as gold glowing

This time wanting to shout, wanting to vent rage in this poem I am writing

Tell me, all despite everything did I hear your words of love over me?

I certainly doubt your words all despite what I did to you yet none for me

Instead of love what bears is pain, instead of promise it's all but whining

That in the end made a person depressing

Tears becoming flames, with songs of lament becoming chants of fear

While the maiden who brings joy to me plays the harp that strikes like spears

Setting fire against the hypocrites and the wolves

Playing a desperate man's heart

I don't know why people are fooling even they used words like love

It all became a narcotic as if it came from heavens above

Yet in reality it nearly became a sentiment from hell

With its minions everyday took time to tell

I still feel the pain deep inside all made by pressures from outside

They don't even became a part of  my entire life

Love had became a game, with my emotion gone tortured over

Till shout: "I want to escape I can't withstand their pressure!"

I'm sorry to those who are affected as I convey this poem hath made

My heart tells me so with the mind giving words to laid

Perhaps my inspiration gives advices what and whom to speak

For it may affect all than a part from the meek

I admit once I wanted to die but never! As there is someone who cherish me on

Well then quite thankful there may be calm after the storm

Lessons may hath learned from the fools and assholes that speaks much at ease

But if you aren't really with me then KILL ME, so that my heart will leave in peace.

To Yna: "Remember You"

(partially based from the song Remember You by Rebecca Sugar)

Yna, will it be you and me in the wreckage of this world

Is it so confusing for a college girl

And someday that you will leave me after that I knew

And I'm losing myself for I'm afraid you're gonna lose me too

Your magic keeps me alive, and its making me crazy

When will again meet you, but when will you going to meet me

Please forgive me for whatever I do

For I still remember you

Yna, perhaps you recall the times starting with our eyes

And all the joys and times been tried to realize

And now you'll leave next week for a long dream that came true

Perhaps you'll forget me entirely as you have back in June

Your magic keeps me alive, and its making me crazy

When will again meet you, but when will you going to meet me

Please forgive me for whatever I do

For I still remember you

Yna, I can feel myself slipping away

And it's quite difficult for me to say

That once you saw me that I had frown

It wasn't me for it was this song

Your magic keeps me alive, and it's making me crazy

And if we meet together, will be both us be happy

Please forgive me for whatever I do

For I still remember you

I am glad, resting in your arms

(Partly based from Benny Andersson's "Vilar Glad. I din famn")

waters all calm near the shore

skies quite endlessly blue

And you stand beside me

Until darkness yet you remain so

Winds blowing from the forests

Seas giving waves yet calm

Friends remain faithful endless

While I'm longing for you as I live

It is your love that all that carries, 

My comfort throughout my entire life

So I search for you, and every place my yearning calls your name

Till I am in your arms, I am glad i'm in your arms.

I am glad, resting in your arms

I am glad that now I'm resting in your arms

Closer as we've been together

Made calm by your warm soul

Yet I am like a child's song

It's quite simple and yet means so well

It is your love that all carries

My comfort throughout my entire life

And I search for you and every place my yearning calls your name

Till I am in your arms. 

I am glad, resting in your arms
I am glad that now I'm resting in your arms


"Reminiscing Yna" (or My Yna, my beloved one)


My Yna, my beloved one
My jewel, my guiding light
I devote my time and love for you
Till the end as sworn so true
From the day I see your charming glance
Can't deny the love in your eyes
Quite strange to see on thy first sight
Yet that fate bind us and like
And thus made my heart recall you
Till the day we meet again

My Yna, my beloved one
My red rose blooming wild
Through the pasts that full of passions
Reaching you and cherish thee
In my dreams your songs had given calm
Gladness bid me lie in your arms
Songs that heals the wounds of the past
Passions bring your love to me
And thus made my heart recall you
Till the day we meet again

My Yna, my beloved one
My heart calls wholeheartedly
Through the pen conveys emotions
That my voice can't speak to thee
Whether you had gone to far away
Leaving me to where I stay
Thinking all the past and few days
Full of pleasure, chill as cold breeze
Perhaps the winds bid your words sayth:
When we'll meet again and forever stay