Fr. Roque Ruano: ContemporAntiquitarian

Fr. Roque Ruaño: ContemporAntiquitarian

A writeup regarding his life and the structure 

that helped "improve" the University of Sto. Tomas
during the American period

Well, at first, this writer pay respects to this person whose feats both in Engineering and Architecture tends to bridge the past and (then) present especially with the building at Sampaloc, Manila as its forefront; and that person behind is the late Rev. Fr. Roque Ruaño.

Known much for his efforts in improving the University of Sto Tomas at Sampaloc, Manila, he, as well as the Dominican order he belonged helped modernize while at the same time trying to keep firm both spiritual and moral fiber as it educates its students.


His early life as a Monk, Administrator
and ...Engineer

Born on August 16, 1877 in Bahillo, Palencia, Spain and took Humanities in the college of Ocana, he submitted himself to faith of Dominican Order in 1893 and the solemn one at 1897; Ruaño had first arrived in the Philippines in the year 1904, with those times as turbulent with the Americans tend to solidify its rule over the isles not just by opposing those of the insurgents, but also those loyal to Spain such as his order.

However, Ruaño focused on a different profession other than being a Priest. That, after serving few years as Father Rector of the Colegio de San Juan de Letran, he transferred to the University of Santo Tomas as well as able to obtain Doctorate in Civil Engineering and passed the licencure exam both for Engineers and Architects.

In his Engineering profession there he spent time studying about earthquakes, quality of soil, published several articles in tectonic and mineralogical studies, that would somehow contribute to his plan that happened years later.

Events involved prior and during the building of the edifice

In 1920, Fr. Ruaño, O.P. was assigned to draw up plans for the UST Main Building to be constructed at the Sulucan property of the Dominican Order. The original campus at Intramuros was so overcrowded and old that the American authorities wanted to close down if they failed to meet the standards required for accreditation.

As the Dominicans had bought the entire site from the Clarisas (another religious order) in order to modernise itself as a University rather than facing the consequences, the order had serious problems especially after Colegio de San Jose (wherein UST's Medicine students studied) closed down by the authorities. It's Spanish-based curriculum had to be replaced with the practical American model in order to be aligned with the "modern standards" of the time: that of adding two additional levels for the existing two, modernize facilities and the like; and yet overcrowding at the original Intramuros campus undermines these that made the order utilize the Sampaloc property with a cornerstone having laid in December 1911, the highlight of the institution?s 300th Anniversary celebration.

And thus, with the blessing from the order, lies Ruaño s quest for creating something different primarily to solve the issue. There, he even went to the city hall carrying blueprints for approval at the city engineer's office not as a Priest but those of an Engineer  There he even set aside the habit for a simple khaki uniform and salakot and be mistaken for a constuction worker, and his knowledge of English, although with an Hispanic twang had helped him gain support from the authorities in order to built an edifice "that would stand earthquakes" given his profession.

Prior to that, Fr. Ruaño had already conducted meticulous research on earthquakes all over the country, and had built Dominican houses in Baguio, Lingayen, and even a Catholic Church in Kobe, Japan. Though work started in early 1923, Fr. Ruaño had spent the two previous years stockpiling building materials such as 9000 barrels of cement and iron bars being procured from Tokyo wherein prices were down as a result of World War I. The order even obtained a 300,000 Peso loan from a Portuguese bank in Hong Kong, however the latter withdrew from its obligation of releasing the remaining 100,000 Peso that made Ruaño thrown into panic.  The crisis was over as a snag in payment  of 100.000 Pesos was graciously solved by a loan arranged by Dr. William Burke, a professor at the Faculty of Medicine and a valued customer of the Standard Chartered Bank. The materials were stored in various warehouses in Port Area, including the basement of the Santa Catalina convent across Forbes Street. 200 Pampango workers provided labor in that said project.

However, other than planning, the Dominican Architect-Engineer himself worked in the construction site. According to the Manila Bulletin in July 1925, stated that:

"The Padre Roque is also builder, laborer, and all other things that can be done in his work... when the excavation for the cementing (of the foundations) had been fixed, we see the Engineer Director in these diggings with water up to his waist..."

And despite having attacks of Vertigo, he even went on climbing the scaffolding and doing manual job for "it is necessary for two more hands" in order to build the edifice. And although its exterior remained based from its blueprints, building design had to be continually altered as interior spaces had to be widened or shrunk to accommodate new areas. Again, Ruano's hands-on way of dealing things somehow contribute to the development of then "new" campus at Sampaloc the way he preferred wearing khaki for his "working clothes."

But on the other hand, efforts in completing the main building still needed more money. Then Rector Fr. Manuel Arellano, O.P. had to deal with the construction's financial burden from both former Rectors Paya and Alfageme. There he obtain 250,000 Peso loan from BPI and even additional funds from the Dominican Procuracion in Hongkong; but it was the second term of Fr. Serapio Tamayo when the order issued a new loan of 270,000 Pesos to deal with matters regarding the construction. 

Within that said amount the new main building of the University of Sto. Tomas was finally finished. And with the overcrowding issues, it was built just "in time" for the opening of school year 1927-1928.

Facing both boon and bane, "Impregnable" to withstand the tide

All after years of construction and modification, the edifice that withstand earthquakes hath been finished. Issues regarding overcrowding in the old campus had been lessened as students, such as those from the lower years of the faculties of Medicine, Pharmacy, Philosophy and Letters, Liberal Arts, Engineering and Education. 

According to Wikipedia, the structure is a rectangular building having a dimension of 86 meters long and 74 meters wide with two interior courtyards or patios. The most significant feature is the fact that it is actually made up of 40 separate structures independent from one another with the only opportunity provided by pre-cast stab flooring. But some locations of the separations are now difficult to determine exactly because of the numerous cosmetic changes the interior of the building which has undergone over the years.

As according to an article written by the former dean of Faculty of Engineering, Manuel Mañosa, this is how it is divided:

four corner units
two midsection units (rear and front entrance)
one tower (including two elevator cores)
one entrance canopy
a total of 26 units
seven units for P. Noval side
seven units for Gov. Forbes (now Arsenio H. Lacson) side
six units for Dapitan side
six units for España side
four middle section (or paraninfo)
two stair section adjacent to tower and elevator core

The main building was at first all but "touch and go" in regards to room arrangements with the second-floor facing Espana served for the Fathers-in-residence while the ground floor facing P. Noval st. became a boy's dormitory. But as the student population continues to grow paved way for its original purpose especially those of a classroom. It even started to feel getting "congested" as the University had to align with the standards such as those of making once two or three year into a four year course such as in Education, Liberal Arts and Pharmacy.

Obviously, the main building itself was the University other than the one at Intramuros during those times. With a growing student population somehow became both boon and bane for the institution trying to improve  and modernise while at the same time maintaining firm its strong moral and spiritual foundation.  And despite the issues sough after, it all had pave way for a massive improvement plan for the new campus with Ruaño  both as Priest and Professor of the Faculty of Engineering, also served as the University's Architect and Engineer.

And again, he supervises and took part in improving everything around then "new" Sampaloc campus regardless of paying much bank loans and trying its effort to save both for the order and for the University.

His legacy

Fr. Ruaño lived to see how his beloved campus grow such as those of its two major buildings (the Gymnasium and the Central Seminary) completed although they had been designed by Pablo Ocampo with his designs approved by the father himself.

However, his steadfast work costs his health. He was diagnosed with a heart ailment and became visibly sick. But on March 1, 1935, he was collapsed from a heart attack and eventually died. Decades later, in honor of his achievements, an edifice was named after him. It was in the corner of España Boulevard and A. H. Lacson Avenue (formerly Gov. Forbes), at first it was called Architecture and Engineering Building. In its inauguration in 1950, the site was named after him, the Roque Ruaño Building houses the students and faculty members of the Faculty of Engineering.

Obviously, it would say that Ruaño is a pragmatic person, trying to keep firm the moral and spiritual foundation while yet he afford to bridge the mediaeval past and then modern present not just in order for the institution such as UST to survive. According to Calbayog Archbishop Pablo Singzon, in his address prior to the construction, said:

" In the new University dominates the most refined architecture, a desirable comfort, a well-received modernism, different studies, and a more scrupulous hygiene in the chapel, Paraninfo (main hall), laboratories, museums, libraries, offices, classroom, seminary, hospital, clinics, salons, living spaces, parks, plazas, and other departments of an original and modern edifice."

Starting with the main building would say that the late archbishop's statement had been realized by the efforts of Ruaño despite problems such as money. It would also say that Ruaño's quest, like any other architect or engineer tends to bring forth ContemporAnqiquity such as those of making things durable and modern side by side with those of making it closer to heritage as a centuries-old institution. But to think that he prefers wearing those of a Foreman and doing hands-on would say he prefers to stay closer to the people the way the order wanted to bring closer its adherents to the faith just like his fellow religious that focused entirely on education and to some extent, building of communities. After all, to a religious person, faith and good works are interconnected with each other that brings good fruit in an everyday life.

Perhaps, if Ruaño lives he would made some durable and carefully-studied mass housing and ecclesiastical-related sanctuaries.

He would have opposed measures on further reclaiming portions of Manila bay to avert problems involving soil erosion as well as reclamation for immoral purposes.

And lastly, He would instill every promising Engineer and Architect treating their chosen profession as a way of serving the Almighty especially those of providing ideas, not just in Engineering and Architecture, but also in urban and environmental development in par with those of sustainability and reality given some of the terrain in the Philippines as much prone to possible calamities.

This writer would also convey to make a sketch out of him wearing his prefered attire such as those of a foreman all after reading his life making everything possible such as those of the main building of the University.  Perhaps, there are others who can do what Ruaño did, or even better in regards to making strong structures with conducive, cozy interiors, and to think that all after seeing most who did nothing but edifices without any value, perhaps better to revisit those that made everything remarkable that somehow contributes to the well-being of the society.

Or in his words, taken from an old liturgy:

"Qui Salvandos Salvas Gratis"

 You gave us salvation free.

And with the Almighty's help would say that his efforts, and even those who make things possible makes salvation free.




Sources:

Jose Victor Torres, "In Transition: The University of Sto Tomas during the American colonial Period" (UST Publishing House, 2007)

Tiburcio, R.A. (2007). Earthquake resistant: Structural features of the UST Main Building. Thomasian Engineer Journal, 47(2), 20-23.

http://www.arkitektura.ph/buildings/main-building-university-of-sto-tomas#.UViJjxcgOrZ

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roque_Ruano

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Building_(University_of_Santo_Tomas)

As Christians, Reclaim a "revolutionary" faith that moves mountains

As Christians, Reclaim a "revolutionary" faith that moves mountains

This season of lent, all Christians are starting to redeem themselves from their mistakes and shortcomings in the manner the Lord Jesus Christ hath did upon for the people. For sure most of us are staring to pray, do a penance or abstain from everything that urges us to do so. But despite all of these we individuals usually do, does change actually happen this time around? All despite the sermons, reforms and measures spoken by our leaders and trying to be enacted in our society that is rotten and dilapidated for years?

Some may say yes, some may say no.

Some are quite too opportunistic, others tend to be pragmatic or near-pessimistic.

That most people think rather is about their own individuality alone and not of they as part of the society.

Isn't it obvious nowadays that our faith is reduced to a mere individualistic act instead of for everyone? Not to mention that the late Margaret Thatcher had reduced the idea of  the Christian faith as a mere spiritual than of social one, that "Christianity is about spiritual redemption, not social reform" and even spoke of St. Paul's that "If a man will not work he shall not eat." Well, true to say on what St. Paul said so, but then not all people around are consists of slackers, that these people also worked hard, and yet got a wage not enough regardless of the long hours taken. Obviously, will she state her words to a family of farmworkers who worked long hours for a 9.50 minimum wage? 9.50 to meet bigger debts and other fees to be paid? Well, the fact that Christianity is spiritual redemption, Social reform is also inherent in the way what the Bible said so.

As Isaiah 61:1 (King James Version) said:

"The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;"

These words meant freedom to every soul, to everyone both spiritual and social, that all be given equally in accordance to their work, to their actions, that makes a community productive, but in looking in our society, we expected a different scene that is repressive. That people had sought personalities praying and do charity work, but at the same time didn't fulfill what the law said so-like giving away their lands to the tillers like in Hacienda Luisita, Yulo and in Nasugbu Batangas to the tillers? This makes the fact that everybody should bring a sword and call to end upon this repressive existence on this Earth. That includes realization of a faith that is not just life changing but to the society as well, manifested by our call of action within the theatre of mass struggles.

And as the struggle advances despite its shortcomings, this time in a bigger stage against the system, and every people are to be called upon to assume responsibilities, to participate in a campaign all to counter the crisis made by the system such as this present administration. Such actions are all in response to the realities that, despite programs and reforms the current regime taken, end failed as it tries to counter the growing tide and thus creating discontent as expected.

And being a Christian, it ought to expect that in pursuit of a better life and bringing the people to genuine liberty, must be obliged to reclaim the faith that is liberative than enslaving, and to be alert to such ploys such as those using "Christian" sentiment though promotion of fundamentalist religion and spirituality through renewed proselytism and rabid religious fanaticism, all just to counter the essence of Christianity that is, liberative.

As one sermon said:

“According to Jesus, the poor are not poor for the sake of the Kingdom but in spite of the Kingdom, or rather, because it has not yet come. Jesus is hungry every time the least of his brothers and sisters is hungry, and… Jesus is a prisoner every time he or she may be imprisoned. It is the sympathy or the compassion... that all true love produces, an unlimited love that transmits from the loved one to the lover all that is intolerable and inhuman in the situation he or she suffers.

“Tragically, if no laws are broken - or if their breaking is not visible - Christians do not worry about their complicity in the great evils which society, through its structures, causes to fall upon the most defenseless. The ancient prophets of Israel would say that this is not "to know God." James, in the New Testament, would state that this is not ‘true religion.’

“It is true that ‘social sin’ has surprised us by its enormous magnitude as it takes place on a continent that for four centuries - and even today - can be called almost totally Christian. The Christian does not kill (at least not directly) but is an accomplice in millions of deaths that more just social structures could have prevented.

“[The change of these unjust social structures will happen through the Church.] The Church - which has been accustomed to having small active minorities and large, inert, and silent majorities - is facing a new phenomenon: a considerable popular mobilization within its own walls [will create justice.]”

Time will come as more and more people are willing to join in a real social change what the lord hath promised. God doesn't even want everyone to remain contented in daydreaming or be killed by the terrible conditions laid upon to that made his son, Jesus Christ came to the world, a simple carpenter's son preaching not just of love and peace, but to bring a sword that is to counter the repression and to bring forth change both in our hearts, minds, and in our societies. That to save is also to liberate, not just from sin but also from repression, that to follow Jesus is to work to abolish the systems that cause poverty, systems that actually enslave all of us. In a manner that to pray and do charity is good, but to serve and to defend the people against repression and to bring forth progression is better.

And thus,

In reclaiming a lost faith through a major change, thus it will move mountains, gush forth water from a barren land, and see the rising sun in the name of the Lord.

To the newly Unemployed: A message for the Graduates

To the newly Unemployed: A message for the Graduates

"Graduates,

Today is a special day, especially to the sons and daughters whose 4 year hardships hath end up with pomp and fervor, complete with diplomas and shining shimmering medals being vested upon to them as they exit the realms of education."

These are the words this writer said in his writeup to the new ranks of the unemployed last year.

That all after 4 years of hardships that end up with ceremonial crap would say that they're successful enough to enter the real world and face their problem such as applying a job especially those of a high-paying one and with benefits.

However, despite all these would say that other than job mismatches, the issue of unemployment rather  aggravates the situation that the state should address upon this kind of serious matter other than widespread hunger and poverty-and to see graduates this time applying for jobs rather adds further to the existing ones having the same kind of action. Yes, there may be call centers opened for these people, but still these very same people wanted jobs applicable to their professions such as Engineers working in the Factory, Agriculturists working at the Farmer's cooperative and Doctors, Nurses in every village or city hospital.

And yet, with a system aloof with these issues, such ambitions are rather reduced into figments of imagination-or rather say "let them work in BPOs or go to America for the sake of having jobs!" Sadly but true so to speak regarding how these people ought say so although they once speak about volunteer this and that yet with less or no benefit at all! Where are all the nurses who had been passed the licensure exam that were promised to have work in the United States or any other country? Some had end up at Call Centres while others waiting for their goals of working there, a few may ought to work at the government hospital yet the latter had insufficient budget for these hospitals to survive: come to think of East Avenue, National Orthopedic and National Centre for Mental Health having "offered" by the state to private sector as the state that supposedly provides good health care became apathetic.

However,
Graduation does not mean the end, but rather a beginning of another challenge (and not just how to apply and gain a job), as the Late Renato Constantino said:

"...It is in the conventional sense a commencement of adult responsibility for the young. For their parents, it is the climax of years of anxious waiting and of sacrifices. But, if both want to divest it with a deeper significance, commencement should mark the beginning of understanding and of partnership with the young in patriotic involvement."

Thinking that basic problems prevailed in a rotten society, it is up for these young adults to get serious and not to escape in it. 4,5, 8, or 10 years in college includes seeing the reality and how to deal with it; and yet  with the predominating idea such as apathy, it undermines the fulfillment of dreams and aspirations especially in a society whose problems are deeply rooted. Anyways, Constanino's statement also wanted to see the newly-finished youth obliged to  create an era of new understanding and willing to take partnership especially with the contributors of our society, not just parents and teachers, but also the majority who also involved in our everyday lives; thinking that same problems prevail with a system chose to aloof in it.

In fact, people may misunderstood this kind of statement posted in this page, that this writer had to tell "the truth" such as these graduates are hence be described as "the new batch of unemployed professionals" seeking for a job and good life. But come to think that there ain't no shortcut to end problems nor reducing problems into a personal matter (the way people like much to say "the individual is the problem") to deal with-as humanity and society are interconnected with each other.
Worse, most people rather chose to escape and not to deal for the sake of an illusory "peace and tranquility" the way these same people insist in getting a job followed by marriage and whatsoever being the most common norms of our present day life.

All except those who, after graduation, willing to become a part of the people and thus willing to serve them faithfully like what Constantino said. That, in living in a period of turbulence, of instability, there lies a call for immediate change, a societal change that encompasses all things, including character and culture instead of getting contented and act apathetic, or becoming backward at all. They may had jobs, earning enough, and afford to have relationships, but still they prioritize societal change as it also molds their character such as cleaning their house, instilling children discipline side by side with dealing with the social problems like calling for wage increase and reducing prices of commodities. Again, life is difficult nor having a shortcut to end these other than direct, collective action to counter existing and emerging problems of today.

And personally, this writer really expect that as to enter the world of reality, all must regain  consciousness simply by joining to the people and be a part of the creation of history,  imbued with realities and willing to defy against the norms of the society now ridden by backwardness and of instability. For sure as you read or listen to these words may surely call it as "A call to arms" and a "Need for a voice of dissent," true, for the youth, being a nation's hope ought to be rebellious against a system full of unsolved problems and fabricated mysteries no matter what others ought to divert things in pursuit of not to face incontinent truths.

Like protest actions made by students side by side with the vast mass of the have-nots and the unemployed for example, obviously, everyone had sought their protests especially those against the actions made by the present administration against them. That ranging from tuition fee increases, unfair treatment of students, to demolition of communities, rampant unemployment and landlordism, that even in graduation ceremonies even sought them venting their protest no matter what aftermath will be, simply just to express their grievances for the last time as students and for the first time as servants of the people.

And yet these very same people especially those who seen it on TV or in the ceremony itself rather continue criticizing them and even thinking that they may never finish their schooling just because they joined into activities that may call them as illegal, yet having no alternative nor solution except keeping quiet and act apathetic, or going on with the flow and get contented to it, and now just to see that the ones they condemn going to the stage and be given diplomas before venting their last protest?

Well, like this video would say that these people protesting may have finished their degrees and yet according to theirs it does not mean that they rather chose to get contented in their degrees, or in case of the ritual itself be limited to a traditional pomp and grandeur that requires etiquette. Some people around may rather oppose their actions such as seeing a graduation protest, but what being sought is a truth systems tried to hide: of calling the youth to go and serve the people and fight for the rights of every student, no matter how "bad" the action is just to justify the content of what they believe for instead of letting the ceremony more of a dinner party or whatsoever that goes by, it, according to them, is part of an arduous struggle.

Perhaps, this writer hopes that every graduate of Batch 2013 must open up their mind and be fully enlightened as to enter the gates of society. People must not get contented, reduce something to nothing,  and instead must believe in what it is right, and fight what is wrong in the society-simply by serving our people and learn from them.

Hear their silent screams and feel their agonizing pain

Hear their silent screams and feel their agonizing pain

It was last time when this writer was watching a militant Passion pay dubbed as "Kalbaryo ng Maralita."

Based much from the bible and social realities, the "Poor Man's Calvary" speaks about the passion of the poor as same those of Christ's: that they faced the taunt, the hardship, of bleeding and even death due to their status all despite their contributions done in the society.

To others, that said protest play tends to infuse religious iconography with social relevance thinking that the sufferings laid by the poor, especially those of the aged, homeless, destitute are the ones what Christ tend to care of. Yes, it showed both religious and social significance as spiritual and material poverty prevails courtesy of a repressive, plutocratic system guised as a "Democratic" thinking that Aquino himself even afford to say "having no money to provide housing, food" while bragging to the world how improving the Philippines is? He didn't even fulfill distributing Hacienda Luisita and others to the landless if he wished food security and sustainability and rural improvement be emphasised to end everyone's woes about food, jobs, housing, development, or any kind of matter people care about; that the matter on Haciendas like Luisita and Yulo being distributed means chances of people trying to improve themselves IF change really starts from the Self. 

And yet, apathy prevails for the rich and hopelessness for the poor. The latter doesn't speak about free this and that, they wanted an entity that could help help themselves and their respective societies they belong such as providing jobs and livelihood, good housing and health care, education to strengthen morals, a state acting compassionate and liberative to these people other than those of NGOs and the Church.

Obviously, some members of the church even took a progressive stance other than making palliative solutions as it justifies further "preferential option of the poor" in helping them redeem themselves such as those of learning from the masses and living with them. The issues on land, labor, poverty had also been tackled the way Christ had even speak some of his parables to the masses. 

Such as this, in Luke 22:35-38 (Wycliffe), said:

35 And he said to them, When I sent you without satchel, and scrip, and shoes, whether any thing failed to you? And they said, Nothing.
36 Therefore he said to them, But now he that hath a satchel, take also and a scrip; and he that hath none [and he that hath not], sell his coat, and buy a sword.
37 For I say to you, that yet it behooveth that thing [this thing] that is written to be fulfilled in me, And he is areckoned with wicked men; for those things that be of me have an end.
38 And they said, Lord, lo! two swords here. And he said to them, It is enough.

The message speaks of call to action against poverty in all spheres and not just about faith alone. Every scene from the Kalbaryo showed how Christ had to partook the bitter cup of sacrifice while the people experienced repression especially those who are against a system that is repressive. Come to think that the system that made roads, bridges, facades of glass and steel coexist with those of landlord-owned estates, murderers and thieves, and shantytowns with people clamoring for social justice and yet to those on high they simply hear nothing but a "silent scream" and careless in feeling their "pain" while at the same time presenting a utopia such as Aquino bragging about a Philippines "improving" with its GDP rate gone up! Well, if that's true then how come there's agony on the side of the dispossessed? 

Perhaps, it is right for Christ during his time to expel the moneylenders inside the temple, to hear the injustices coming from the weak, of healing the sick and feeding the hungry, and to mention that he came not to bring peace but rather a sword to bring justice for the dispossessed and the slaves.

After Kristel: protests, rage, and the flaming chairs

After Kristel: protests, rage, and the flaming chairs

"It's revolting to see militant groups and student organizations on and exploiting the death of UP Manila student Kristel Tejada who committed suicide after failing to pay her tuition. What waste of energy and resources for them to be staging protest rallies and burning public school chairs when their time and energy should be better spend to raise funds to help poor but smart kids who are also struggling to finish their schooling..."

These are the words a group had made in response to the incident that triggered further a new wave of protest against policies controversial in the state of Philippine Education. Quite nice though that the group behind the quote wanted scholarships for each student from a humble background in order to study hard and gain enough honour and excellence as a person.

However, that same message, such as "what waste of energy and resources" in direct action would say at first as "misunderstood" just because of these so-called "protesting" people, that they are radically inclined and passionate, and they are doing these acts no matter what would be the consequences just to advance their objectives such as affordable education and bigger state subsidies, rather than by doing "peaceful" means that most of it rather fell on deaf ears. Sorry to say so, but true- especially if you're from a private school that acted as a "corporation" first and "educational institution" second, or in a State University that would complain you much after  someone looking at your belongings to serve as basis for "what to pay" such as those from Bracket A.

Otherwise, they would expel no matter that person has to justify "academic freedom" that includes "complaining in a rude manner" such as protesting and direct action, such as former UE Student Council President Einstein Recedes who had even fought for a refund from their tuition increase last 2007, as well as others who had been constantly harassed by the thugs some, if not most administrators unleashed against those who are against their wishes.  

Admittingly speaking, this writer would say that these people protesting may had spend, rather than waste their time clamoring for major changes and offering alternatives despite offering "constructive" solutions such as providing scholarships and the like, thinking that they rather chose promoting and advancing pro-student and pro-people interests with reasons such as the state had offered not enough its own budget to support Education and Social Services whilst the rest had been allocated in Debt Servicing and corrupt practises. That somehow would say that the Philippines, like last year and even last last year, tries to beautify in order to hid its very own stench all made by its controversial and immoral acts that endanger the social fabric of the common tao such as palliative solutions, reforms, even lots of rhetoric or any other crap making it enough for these people to "bite on". 

And to think that most people would really complain much about it, especially that they're working hard yet the purchasing power of their wages remains near nothing. And with this writer reading back the quote given, yes, it is revolting to see militant groups, but it is much revolting to see the system aggravating the situation by acting blind, deaf, or making everyone who dare to oppose their policies as "scapegoats" and liable for their uncertain fate.
With Kristel Tejada's death as example that triggered new wave of protests and criticisms, UP alumnus Carlo Osi had even stated his critical assessment especially to a policy that strongly contributory to her demise:

"I agree that U.P. Manila’s highly unreasonable forced Leave of Absence for failing to pay tuition on time is not the only reason for Kristel Tejada’s suicide. The problem is, this forced Leave of Absence was what ultimately drove the freshman to take her own life.

Without a doubt, this U.P. imposition was strongly contributory to her death. It caused her depression, among others. Between poverty and the U.P. forced Leave of Absence, the latter is more contributory. It punished her for her poverty and humiliatingly emphasized her dire financial circumstances. It seemed to be the last straw that broke her humble back."

Otherwise, a radical statement from Professor Gerry Lanuza speaks a direct answer to those who are making slander about the protest movement did those times:

"Manuel Buencamino is a fellow of Action for Economic Reforms: “But if it was true that she killed herself because the “system” drove her to it, then how come there are not more suicides among poor UP students? Don’t those activists realize that by attributing her suicide to her tuition problems they are implying that all those other students similarly situated are stronger than she was?” 
Who ever said that those who did not follow the path of suicide are much stronger than those who are crushed by the system? The reverse may be true: those who took their own lives might be stronger than those cowards who just bear the unjust system hoping that they will have a better life through Buencamino’s Economic Reforms! Better be dead than zombies!'

Thus, despite all criticisms, protests against anti-student policies, commenced thoroughly within that same week of lament and grief.

That in UP (Manila and Diliman), protests and student opposition against STFAP (Socialized Tuition Fee Assistance Program) and other controversial polices had made intensified brought after Kristel's death, with the Pascual-led administration resorted to rethinking of their policies and even "scrapping" the controversial "no late payment" policy that made a 16 year old freshman committed suicide; however, with the 2 decade-old STFAP being retained, protests against the said "program" and other controversial policies within the UP system continued.

While on the other hand, in PUP Sta, Mesa, most students had vent rage further especially with their action. And like what had been done during the Guevara administration, these students vent rage against the negligent rotten system by having old chairs thrown and set on fire all despite criticism.
Obviously, most people would somehow ought to complain about those chairs being thrown away and burned as "wasting their taxes" and its actions as "hooliganism", not noticing that those had been thrown and made into a pyre are quite old, dilapidated, unfit to be fixed and too rusty to be fixed and reuse again; that somehow students may ought to think "what are the use of these chairs being stucked up and left unfit to be reused?" These chairs would say that it reflects the state of negligence made by the state in regards to Education and thus serves as basis for these people to vent rage and had to set on fire!
Anyways, why complaining over these burned chairs, not thinking that are they're being stucked up in a certain room and left unfixed for years, if not decades before? Seems that they don't even complain it about those chairs (since these old, rusty chairs came from their taxes) before someone had to burn it as sign of protest against those who are trying hard to act as blind, deaf, mute and stupid!

Perhaps there are so many options people to choose which is which. This writer may had time helping others to read and write, but at the same time he also complains about the policies brought by the state that somehow made itself choosy such as preferring Debt Servicing than Education and Social Services. For sure people are quite reminiscing about "good old days" of seeing a good, strong public education system that brought highly intelligent and hardworking people that was pre-K12 and in par with those of private schools,  and to think that all of these would say is a result of a state's emphasis with a bigger budget allocated, why not being pursued today as well? Scholarships from private institutions would say "good", but a bigger state subsidy to support its own education system would make it "better" than those who are reminiscing the old, after all-where should have been our taxes allocated to?

Anyways, in midst of controversial issues and policies involving the state of Philippine Education, there's enough time to spend energy and resources to raise funds and to advance mass struggles. Yes, there may be raising funds for scholarships and other kinds of "grants-in-aid" for now, but as long as anti-student and anti-people policies remain, then it's justifiable to rage aloud and protest.

"A glass of Silver Cleaner"

"A glass of Silver Cleaner"

Oble, I'm sorry that I had failed you

For I can't withstand the policies that in your name carried through

That all despite my best, the good grades I had done

I had to leave your abode, for can't pay as I am none

I had worked for months, all after I had stopped

Just to have thousands, to pay the dues enough

But all despite earning, I still yearn to return on your abode

To fulfill my duties as your disciple, with the knowledge you give
through a good study load

From your Iibaries I had read the books and manuscripts
To the halls to reflect and review the hardest made me creeps
Seeing the posters of mass struggle that I tend to join but despite sympathies I cannot
Posted in your walls as I traverse the sidewalks, seeing the have-not
I am indeed an Idealist, and I wanted to spearhead change
But I chose to arm with the pen, and escape from the rage
But with the realities such as rising costs binds me thus can't deny
I tried to break it off despite bruises that made me cry

Oble, sometimes, I just wish that I belong to a well to do family

With a money to buy enough luxury, other than the debts that can easily pay to be

But instead what I had sought is a grim reality

Not because of born poor, but facing everything, extreme difficulty

How can I withstand depression as time passed by

I stopped school, I earn for a living, I returned then giving me this without any why?

I plead to continue but their reply is "your late, you have to file a leave"

All despite having money enough to pay all the fees, they should consider my backgrounds, such as not enough to feed

Well, I can't withstand the pain that binds over me
Then followed by the the policies that drives most crazy
Why there's a need to file a leave just because of being late
All despite having enough money to satisfy the coffers and ledgers getting up to date
From looking someone's ITR to going to somebody's house
Looking the value of every gadget, rich or poor to justify without remorse
Of which to pay the dues, making everyone bracket A
Rich till proven you are poor, oh god why these made me gone astray?

Oble! Here! take my 15,000! A minimum from my work I had tried my best

And yet because I am late in paying? I am even hungry compared from the well to do rest

I know you are basing us on our intellect, yet your people looked at us as cash

That the rich can afford your everything, we the poor be treated as crass!

The policies in your name: "forced LoA" and STFAP

Can't consider the pain in our back, treating the without a CRAP!

And as I drink this silver cleaner, perhaps everything be at ease

For I can't withstand the pain over me, and everything that disrupts my dreams of peace

To my friends, thank you all for the apologies, but it's better to oppose and reject the rich man's pleas

What those come from high, trying hard intellect should had been seize to desist!

To Kristel Tejada and others who had felt the unfair policies that made them depressed to the extent of killing themselves.

Too young to die... because of a policy that made most not afford to "buy"

Too young to die... 
because of the policies that made most not afford to "buy"

One of the policies that made a tragedy happen.

It was yesterday with this writer hath conveyeth deepest sympathies to the family of Kristel Tejada, a 16 year old UP Manila student who had committed suicide after filing for Leave of Absence (LOA) last Wednesday because of her inability to pay her tuition on time. To some, it is a purely personal issue especially for a student who had worked hard, earning every person just to return to school and study again yet choosing suicide than pursuing her gain; but for others, it is a murder made by a system that had neglected its people, especially the youth, all despite programs that would alleviate poverty and to lessen the crisis that is, more of rhetoric than what should be put into force. Kristel may had got good grades, worked hard and earn enough just to return to school same as to support her parents although her father, a taxi driver can cope up with the problem.

Sadly, with some "unfair" policies in the Philippines "premier" state university had made things worse. 

That, as evidenced by her apparent death, it would say that those controversial policies behind dropouts and the apparent suicide, such as those of the "Forced LoA" and  "No Late Payment", as well as the "Socialized" Tuition Fee Assistance Program, aggravates the problem regarding Education in the Philippines; starting with its very own "premier state University" that, first and foremost should had been prioritized by the state by giving it a bigger budget; but instead of these "idealistic expectations", state-supported Education systems like UP had been acting as if a Corporation: that everything is more of a business than a state obligation; that alongside commercializing such as those of its properties like in UP-Ayala Technohub, they  had to impose something  thinking that everyone who had passed the entrance examinations, and enrolled depending on which college and course are the ones who "afford to pay" in it; worse, had to enter somebody's house, whether rich or poor getting to know the "capacity to pay" with the value of what comes inside such as television, computer, even a cellphone and an automobile! Why on earth should deal with those things in order to know a person's capacity to pay regardless of its background? A state university should had been supported by taxes and less into tuition fees! 

Well, quite strange for a University to do so that made an innocent girl who had ambitions in life be "murdered" by the system, and now that they're offering some "financial assistance" to the family of the dead? Sorry for being "Politically Incorrect" but, are these people who wore toga during commencement exercises and giving diplomas, medals to the deserving are this time trying to act like Pontius Pilates and washing their dirty linens in midst of people clamoring for bigger education budgets and scrapping controversial policies? Such policies like those of STFAP and "No late payment" made everyone depressed enough especially those of the poor who had entered an institution with reverence. After all, of what is a state, or rather say a national university like UP if it is not for the poor and instead for the well to do with cars parking near Palma Hall to the School of Economics? Why there's a need to check on personal goods, stuff all around the house to determine its value and the parent's capacity to pay for their children's tuition fees?

Yes, it is right that to most people who had understood this unconvenient truth, that STFAP, a supposed program to assist those who are incapable of not paying tuition fees, summarizes in one sentence: Rich until proven you're poor! worse, in regards to the Philippines' own educational system: No money no entry! Why on earth these people behind these policies had to face these inconvenient events happen?

Anyways, even the members of the board of regents such as UP Student regent Cleve Arguelles expressed disgust against the prevailing policies over UP, and somehow he is right to say that "She was killed by the system" rather than a "suicide" that happened. She's been killed all for having that life such as her's be measured in your capacity to pay. 

As for those who are poor yet had reached college, they may had studied hard for a scholarship waiting, but also come to think that scholarships isn't enough to solve a problem regarding education especially to those coming from a poor background that even felt the crisis worse; with most of them had to sacrifice their rest by both working and studying, as evidenced by call centres full of working students trying to take time for a 15,000 peso minimum and be budgeted for every daily need that includes paying tuition fees and the like; but, as crisis becoming worst, then these measures isn't enough that made some sacrifice their studies, dropping out their subjects, stop schooling, and instead focus on their "work" that oftentimes wanting overnights for additional payments. 

Thus, with this kind of experience shows that SR Arguelles is right in his statement thinking that the policy made people measured not based on knowledge and skill, but rather in the capacity to pay such as a thousand peso tuition fee. 

And with Kristel Tejada's death and the nameless ones that had stopped schooling for a long hour of work for a 15,000 minimum as examples, followed by a crisis that includes increasing prices of commodities and services, then when will policies such as in UP had to stop these kind of policies taken through? 

For sure some had most remember the 300% increase during the Roman administration that created ire amongst students and parents that tried much to pay for their children's future. Where are the students who had stopped studying just because they're in "Bracket A" under the STFAP? 

How about the pre need companies that gone bankrupt years before with parents complaining where were their hard earned cash allocated for their children's "educational plan"? 

Seems that everything that is ought to be fulfilled had reduced into figments of an imagination deemed to be forgotten such as an apathetic state that cares about politicking than obligations. 

That perhaps, this writer, as well as those who had tired of increasing tuition fees, and controversial policies affecting education and other basic social needs, would say that people should been "enough of apathy, rise up, and vent rage like a bomb" directing against those who made things worse than what was experienced in the past. Frankly speaking, What is mercy anyway if they had shunned a student who was late in paying  by giving a forced leave while giving financial assistance to those who had committed suicide because of being shunned from getting back to school?

This is Bullshit. And let the people know that their policies are becoming Bullshit. Enough of lamenting, AVENGE!

Of seeing some (if not most) "Star Sprangled" Comments and rebuttals

Of seeing some (if not most) "Star Sprangled" Comments and rebuttals

(Or all after reading pro-and-anti US comments at PxO)

It was long time ago when this writer had sought some "Agit-prop" made in an online page named Pixel Offensive.

Known much for its radical-leaning visual artwork and its anti-system rant (depending on which topic, of course), that page had thousands of followers trying to get updated with the latest issues involving the system and the people who felt getting affected by its actions mostly deemed as contrary.

However, not all those who had "liked" the page are those who had adhere its views, especially those who seemingly "liked" the page just to have a series of rebuttals guised as "debates" concerning the nature of the pictures, may it be pointing against the Aquino administration, the present crisis, US Imperialism, and others that this writer would say inimical to the aspirations of the people clamoring for a just, progressive society.

For example, this writer had sought a segment of pictures speaking about US or Chinese intervention, and it would say that based on PxO's pictures depicting the continuous intervention of both America and China in Philippine affairs, it had simply became a subject of catcalls and heckles all due to the reports concerning Spratlys, Scarborough shoal, and even the incident on Tubbataha reef that resulted to damage in its  well renowned corals, or perhaps plain and simple ad hominem statements trying to malign one commentator to another.

And most of its comments, ranging from anti-American commentators assailing Balikatan exercises and for the damage at Tubbataaha reef to its Anti-Chinese counterpart condemning Chinese occupation of Scarborough shoal and Kalayaan islands, would say that they're rather continuation of decades-old cold war sentiments, debates that made Filipinos took on ideology as one basis for its foreign policy. Anti-Chinese individuals within the page may had look on "ideology" as its basis due to their comments such as "Communism" if the topic tackles about "US Imperialism" or even "Spratlys", that somehow this writer would say that they had forgotten watching the news and getting new information, post-cold war and in regards to China, post-Deng.

That somehow in this writeup, basing much on the observation in PxO, speaks on how these people clamor, lobby in a state that tries to cover events in a thin blanket of silence.

Revisiting and analyzing their comments

In a series of pictures concerning the legacy of US Imperialism in the Philippines, there are comments, pro-and-anti contesting how the US occupiers treated the Filipinos, especially in its earlier days of the occupation such as those of water cure in one one of its pictures shown.

That somehow one of its commentators, seeing the long-term problem of US intervention both based on history and its effect on today's issues, had said this:

"The Americans merely took us from the old iron cage of Spain and put us in their own golden cage. It may be prettier, but in the final analysis it's still a CAGE." 

Anyways, most of the pictures depicted was all shown during the Philippine-American War. Known much by the old as "the Philippine Insurrection", the "victorious" American troops had occupied Manila after defeating Spain, and again gained victory against the young republic that made the Philippines subjected under its "Benevolent Assimilation" consist of "intense pacification" and "exploitation" of resources. That made the commentator, comparing "benevolent assimilation" into a gilded cage, the idea McKinely coined was rather a by-word for colonization, especially that earlier US policies includes having its own government, military and domestic affairs imposed in a foreign country, with most people would opted to say beneficial (thanks to its commercial goods and promises of good life) regardless of its earlier atrocities the US had been done.

However, on that same page, there are people who tend to justify US's action other than the usual ad hominem or China-related topic, such as this, also in the same discussion:

"Because of this epic battle, the Philippines was liberated from Spain. Why hate this battle anyway?"

Or even this:

"We cannot liberate ourselves before from the Spaniards the Americans did, we all know that Americans ruled us better than the Spaniards."

But as for the latter, it seems that had underestimated the Philippine resistance made by the Katipunan and the young republic led by Aguinaldo and his cohorts. America had intentions to use the war and describe as "redeeming oppressed nations like Cuba, Puerto Rico and the east indies" but come to think that they opted to make them dependent because of its cash crops available to these territories. Hawaii, for instance was once a Kingdom yet the US had overthrown the monarchy and hence made it a territory. Yes, America may had done good things but how about the British? They even let the Sultans dominate in Malaya unlike the Americans who had underestimate Filipino leadership as barbaric! What is Bodong? What is the Barangay? What is the Sultanate?  And others that made Filipinos capable of self-governance? Yes, the Filipino nation, according to Rivera (a well known Hispanist) had experienced governance under Spain and hence in its independence be capable of handling its own affairs only to be subjected to another occupation thinking of "how ignorant those Filipinos" with their sheer racism.

For sure according to William McKinley and his "benevolent assimilation", he saidth:

"...that there was nothing left for us to do but to take them all, and to educate the Filipinos, and uplift and civilize and Christianize them, and by God’s grace do the very best we could by them, as our fellow-men for whom Christ also died. And then I went to bed, and went to sleep, and slept soundly, and the next morning I sent for the chief engineer of the War Department (our map-maker), and I told him to put the Philippines on the map of the United States (pointing to a large map on the wall of his office), and there they are, and there they will stay while I am President!"

Only to be responded with this, such as those in the masthead of the newspaper "Filipinas Ante Europa", as it said:

"Contra Norte-America, no; contra el imperialismo, sí, hasta la Muerte!" 

Despite given sympathies to the American people that most are anti-imperialist in their leaning, the masthead reflects its anti-American sentiment such as its imperialistic intentions laid by its system. Well, history repeats itself as expected: Korea, Afghanistan, Iraq, as well as low intensity conflicts in the Philippines and supporting dictatorships in Central America before tends to justify America's control over its subjects using "peace and order" as its pretext; and this may also been a rehash of its very own Manifest Destiny that benefited the ignorant with its wholesale commercialism, enjoying the unseen cage while those who oppose are given the big stick and hence described as "terrorist" and subjected to repression.

And speaking of "cage" (courtesy of the first quote stated), one commentator had even stating US had "Gave" independence that somehow justifies the Philippines in America's own gilded Cage, as it said:

"You call that a cage? The Americans gave us our independence we didn't won it over them."

Only to be responded with this:

"I Don't think so. They just bought us from Spain...is no more than like a stage play."

Frankly speaking, good rebuttal for the latter, for he is somehow right thinking that with a mock battle, the US had bought the Philippines for a million  along with other once-Spanish controlled territories as part of the  Treaty of Paris; and despite all intentions vested by McKinley's words such as "christianization" and the like, most  Filipinos were rather still clamor for independence from lobbying to the use of arms like what Macario Sakay did. The United States didn't gave "Independence" but rather earned by those who kept on clamoring for it, why on earth you will "give" yet you gain profit in a resource rich group of islands in the orient? Even today the US and other countries (including China) had to import "finished goods" while keeping the country dependent with its "cash crops" exported than for internal consumption. Hence, that independence "given" in 1946 may consider as "sham" with its policies greatly dependent from a greater power.

That until today these matters continue to prevail. From raping women to disrupting ecosystems and coddling murderers would say that they are "keeping the peace" people like it or not.

Conclusion

In general, it is quite strange to read most of their comments especially in "Pixel Offensive" such as those after the incident at Tubbataha, as comments coming from both aligned and against, mirrors how these people hath understood situations depending on which topic being discussed. Obviously, there may be some who chose to be apathetic in history, keeping themselves ignorant thinking about the benefits what comes from Imperialism no matter what they had done in its subjects such as the Filipino people making dependent in their mercy.

Personally, this writer's opinion would say that some think much of the United States as a beacon of Democracy, and hence it has the "power" to act like a "global policeman" all despite its actions inimical to those of others such as a third world country like the Philippines, and it is much obvious that with globalization, patriotism had weaned or reduced into a mere idea with countries had to observe in "international standards" such as "free markets", "free trade", and even alignment such as to a greater power may it be from the US, Russia, European Union or perhaps even China. With comments coming from both sides as its example would also say how these people tend to understand serious situations especially after a foreign power had occupied a certain territory in the Philippines or even indirectly imposing wants over its people. May it be China with Panatag shoal and Kalayaan Group, or the US with its policies being observed for decades.

Worse, most people are still as if living in a cold war period condemning a "Communist" Country yet had became "Capitalist" as it followed "International Standards" that is, from the WEC, WTO, and from the United States itself. This writer had read much of their comments at Pixel Offensive only to read sentiments such as "China" and "Communist" in response to "America" without any deeper understanding what's behind an incident such as Spratlys, Tubbataha, Visiting Forces Agreement or even Balikatan Exercises; also coming to think that how come the Communist Party in China didn't support its Philippine counterpart as it focuses much on the field of economics than revolution? Haven't they notice that most "Communists" in Beijing, Shanghai are Businessnmen than Revolutionaries, having companies than communes? But still Cold-war mentality prevails despite conveying constantly what goes today.

Anyways, that is what they're thinking of or perhaps feigning ignorance as they justify their stances, to these people politics is personal matter being vented thoroughly same as Religion.

Idealistically speaking, patriotism in the Philippines should be neither China or the United States, Beijing nor Washington,  especially in dictating affairs the way politicians look on Japan, England or in America during the commonwealth period. Yes, people had sought China had occupied Scarborough and Kalayaan group while the Americans constantly intervene in Philippine affairs such as Balikatan excercises and its facilities used in Zambales and Pampanga; but despite all these, it should also come to think that both countries  had made the Philippines dependent in their imports such as technology and foodstuffs while keeping the latter predominantly agricultural with a degree of "industry" such as consumer goods or even Business outsourcing. Seems that being a member of the Non-Aligned Movement became useless these days or perhaps for decades after having aligned to a greater power while its very own people still clamor for independence, progress and prosperity in midst of dependency and poverty made by those who dictate policies to the other, that somehow made this writer, as an individual to think of this:

"When will the Philippines develop its own capabilities to justify further its own independence?"

or even say this frankly:

"When will these heckling stop and start discussing?"


That's all this writer would have to say. Thank you.

Poems and ramblings from the Gothic steel church

Poems and ramblings from the Gothic steel church

Well, these poems are made all after this writer's ramblings in an old gothic church.

In fact, aside from having friends, love for pasta, and even having a "crush" amongst the students, this writer felt seeing both sacred and strangeness, of both stained glasses and hobos, people praying day and night as if making the church into an abode for those wanting their wishes to be fulfilled and agonies lessen.

Quite strange at first to made this writeup as well as his collection of poems especially that other than looking at the pictures also listening to the songs of Varg Vikernes and his adherence to the pagan faith or the songs of Faruk Jazic with some of it made this writer took time making his poems "singable" to the tunes of those made by Jazic. Yes, quite contradicting especially that this writer listens to pagan black metal especially to the one behind the burning of churches in Sweden, or a Muslim that speaks about his love for homeland strumming Hispanic like music full of passion and love, while at the same time going to an Augustinian Recollect sanctuary especially its college and its laboratory restaurant where he had first met his crush and the rest of the gang who loves alcohol and parties.

Otherwise, he also tackles about the paranoia around his family that oftentimes vent rage against him for his mistakes, or even because of seeing him badly without any reason; or even some that are partly based from existing songs that made this writer made some versions of it, of course there he ought to recognize the people behind those songs that made this writer getting inspired and make his own versions of it. 

After all, instead of keeping it all to himself, perhaps he had to convey everything especially through poetry. His observations, his experiences somehow made it compelling to do so, whether it speaks of love or disgust, it all happened on that place this writer had use to go to.

Lost souls...around the Gothic steel church

Deprived, all deprived

Their possessions few, sanity nearly lost

with eyes cast below

feeling the torment of a sickening reality

made by the devils real and none

Lost souls, surrounding the Gothic steel church

Hearing the litanies and sermons

And seeing people in uniforms

The bells of repentances continuously pealing

Then suddenly silent at evening

They all felt the stench of every grime

Urine and shit of both man and beast

The insults of the burghers intensified

Making fire to the hearts of the eternally dispossessed

Yet despite all their eyes still cast below

Feeling their deprivation and their silent destruction

All despite the covered smiles  they convey

And food all given by "blessed" others from far away

All as living gargoyles outside its gates

All trying to escape the sicken realities

Yet despite all the attempts all end as dreams 

And figments of imagination

But now in all their deep sleep

Perhaps waiting for the final judgement

With their eyes wanting to be opened.

With your eyes

One evening I want to have a talk with you
Yet you are quite silent, nor expressing through
I miss you somehow, thinking all those times
But I don't know if you're remembr'ing me too
Thinking all our memories, pleasures, all the joys
But I don't know perhaps you left it all

Yet your love is selfless
Your passion is endless
Why you driven me to Ecstasy?
Yet you're leaving,
And forgetting,
Heart's confusing all over me?

With your eyes recalling, all the happiness
And your sweet voice easing all the loneliness
Missing all your passions, giving me hope
Pleasure turns to love, all and all
Songs that ease the heartaches, kisses fills the none
Yet you left me alone, and I don't know

Yet your love's my passion
And all's but seduction
Why you driven me to Ecstasy?
Yet you're leaving,
And forgetting,
Heart's confusing all over me?

Perhaps it's all but nothing but a memory
A dream that end up hopeless, and unfulfilling
Can't withstand confusions, trying to move on
Thinking all as past, all as void
All after the loneliness, trying to be strong
Confusion! Than love is but the norm

Yet your love's my passion
And all's but seduction
Why you driven me to Ecstasy?
Yet you're leaving,
And forgetting,
Heart's confusing all over me?


"To Marina"

Alone walking in darkness
Feeling the cold quite helpless
Looking the skies and thinking
Thinking of old school love
Yet in this world of struggle
Protest march and street rumble
Sought one seemed contradicting
I don't know what's coming

Quite strange to see fate had made in
Through the window our eyes both seeing
Shyness eased so is the contradicting
With my heart I don't know why is throbbing

Perhaps this is the answer to prayers
And the dreams and the sketches and others
All the art that perhaps she's the feature
With a love that's to shown...in future

Then as we met together
Twas two days and after
Seeing smiles and laughter
With the food and wine
You inspire me for so long
And your love made me strong
In this world of struggle
You made me quite known

So inspiring to see your presence
Inspiring that exceeds your existence
With your beauty and charm is the essence
All your love that molds I despite absence

Yet I don't know why fate comes to see you
Through your eyes casts a spell says "I love you"
Yet you end up with I felt dismaying
With an open ending

Perhaps you're with another
While I am still alone
And yet your name is still inscribed
In my heart ready to thrown
But then you are worth remembring
Despite the pain and suffering
I hope someday will come
If this story end done

I don't know why your name keeps calling
Same as your presence keeps returning
I tried to forget and I am trying
Yet I can't withstand the outmost feeling

perhaps your name all means forever
And our love is all mean together
Perhaps fate had bound us no other
Forever, my love, Marina.

All is like a ramp in walking the streets

All is like a ramp in walking the streets

With men with their eyes on you staring

Passion-filled love quite confusing

As you came upon to me

And seeing your exquisite beauty

That made me ask straightly:

Oh Miah, may I say I love you?

Tell me oh Miah, why you had came to me

The fire of your love made me confusing

Tell me Miah, mujer mia,

 Am I really dreaming?

Lady of the nights, passion filled moonrise

Are my wishes been granted

Is it Miah, mujer mia

Or is my heart whining?

With the nights darkn'ing outside the old steel church

Seeing you with friends enjoying

Passion filled love to her seemed flourishing

With her charm brings upon to me

Sensing her exquisite beauty

That made me ask straightly:

Oh Miah, may I say I love you?

Tell me oh Miah, why you had came to me

The fire of your love made me confusing

Tell me Miah, mujer mia,

 Am I really dreaming?

Lady of the nights, passion filled moonrise

Are my wishes been granted

Is it Miah, mujer mia

Or is my heart whining?

As the golden lilies hath flourished again

And the moon shines quite glowing bright

And in seeing you oh Miah,

the streets had offered you a ramp

Sensing still your exquisite beauty

That made me again ask straightly:

Oh Miah, may I say I love you?

Tell me oh Miah, why you had came to me

The fire of your love made me confusing

Tell me Miah, mujer mia,

 Am I really dreaming?

Lady of the nights, passion filled moonrise

Are my wishes been granted

Is it Miah, mujer mia

Or is my heart whining?

Tell me Miah, mujer mia, 

Is my love all but a whining?

All after seeing, blaming him

He had done mistakes such those from the past
And now He is trying to control the urges to the last
He ceaselessly keeping silent escaping their possible rant
With the doors of his room locked making someone far from their can't

But yesterday someone else's with paranoia speak much against him
Thinking all badly all after in the dresser and blaming quite mean
He was looking at the mirror on its door that time yet the paranoid doesn't believe him
Thinking all but a thief despite the innocence the former hath spoke in

Or even earlier out of a picture someone else had sought
At first he said all but opinion but in anger all blame instead had brought
The mistakes of the past putting directly towards him
With threats of death or even chains all just to scream

All but strange to see, hear all blames, with or without say
Just because he had done wrong before or they have their right to blame
One my be drunk and badly tell with a display of power tripping
Urging one to lie tying to escape the wrath after a feeling

Their hatred made the affected wanting to vent its voice
Despite all the warnings, threats and the irrational noise
Yes, he had done mistakes, he had vent disrespect
Yet he also had remorse all after the events hath been set

Yes, since the past had been full of mistakes, and now he tries to think not
Controlling all the urges, averting the rage possibly may brought
And with his eyes all closed to sleep trying to keep things at rest
Or perhaps trying to flee away from where is all but a test

Let me go! (From my pasts)

I can't withstand the pressures with others trying to dictate my heart

Yet they give nothing all to me as they squander every part

Nearly leaving me in pain all devoid of everything

Despite all the wealth that is, come and going

It's all but strange these days that these well known bourgeoisie

Now mooching and promising yet not fulfilling

My heart nearly became slave of the shit, all guised as gold glowing

This time wanting to shout, wanting to vent rage in this poem I am writing

Tell me, all despite everything did I hear your words of love over me?

I certainly doubt your words all despite what I did to you yet none for me

Instead of love what bears is pain, instead of promise it's all but whining

That in the end made a person depressing

Tears becoming flames, with songs of lament becoming chants of fear

While the maiden who brings joy to me plays the harp that strikes like spears

Setting fire against the hypocrites and the wolves

Playing a desperate man's heart

I don't know why people are fooling even they used words like love

It all became a narcotic as if it came from heavens above

Yet in reality it nearly became a sentiment from hell

With its minions everyday took time to tell

I still feel the pain deep inside all made by pressures from outside

They don't even became a part of  my entire life

Love had became a game, with my emotion gone tortured over

Till shout: "I want to escape I can't withstand their pressure!"

I'm sorry to those who are affected as I convey this poem hath made

My heart tells me so with the mind giving words to laid

Perhaps my inspiration gives advices what and whom to speak

For it may affect all than a part from the meek

I admit once I wanted to die but never! As there is someone who cherish me on

Well then quite thankful there may be calm after the storm

Lessons may hath learned from the fools and assholes that speaks much at ease

But if you aren't really with me then KILL ME, so that my heart will leave in peace.

To Yna: "Remember You"

(partially based from the song Remember You by Rebecca Sugar)

Yna, will it be you and me in the wreckage of this world

Is it so confusing for a college girl

And someday that you will leave me after that I knew

And I'm losing myself for I'm afraid you're gonna lose me too

Your magic keeps me alive, and its making me crazy

When will again meet you, but when will you going to meet me

Please forgive me for whatever I do

For I still remember you

Yna, perhaps you recall the times starting with our eyes

And all the joys and times been tried to realize

And now you'll leave next week for a long dream that came true

Perhaps you'll forget me entirely as you have back in June

Your magic keeps me alive, and its making me crazy

When will again meet you, but when will you going to meet me

Please forgive me for whatever I do

For I still remember you

Yna, I can feel myself slipping away

And it's quite difficult for me to say

That once you saw me that I had frown

It wasn't me for it was this song

Your magic keeps me alive, and it's making me crazy

And if we meet together, will be both us be happy

Please forgive me for whatever I do

For I still remember you

I am glad, resting in your arms

(Partly based from Benny Andersson's "Vilar Glad. I din famn")

waters all calm near the shore

skies quite endlessly blue

And you stand beside me

Until darkness yet you remain so

Winds blowing from the forests

Seas giving waves yet calm

Friends remain faithful endless

While I'm longing for you as I live

It is your love that all that carries, 

My comfort throughout my entire life

So I search for you, and every place my yearning calls your name

Till I am in your arms, I am glad i'm in your arms.

I am glad, resting in your arms

I am glad that now I'm resting in your arms

Closer as we've been together

Made calm by your warm soul

Yet I am like a child's song

It's quite simple and yet means so well

It is your love that all carries

My comfort throughout my entire life

And I search for you and every place my yearning calls your name

Till I am in your arms. 

I am glad, resting in your arms
I am glad that now I'm resting in your arms


"Reminiscing Yna" (or My Yna, my beloved one)


My Yna, my beloved one
My jewel, my guiding light
I devote my time and love for you
Till the end as sworn so true
From the day I see your charming glance
Can't deny the love in your eyes
Quite strange to see on thy first sight
Yet that fate bind us and like
And thus made my heart recall you
Till the day we meet again

My Yna, my beloved one
My red rose blooming wild
Through the pasts that full of passions
Reaching you and cherish thee
In my dreams your songs had given calm
Gladness bid me lie in your arms
Songs that heals the wounds of the past
Passions bring your love to me
And thus made my heart recall you
Till the day we meet again

My Yna, my beloved one
My heart calls wholeheartedly
Through the pen conveys emotions
That my voice can't speak to thee
Whether you had gone to far away
Leaving me to where I stay
Thinking all the past and few days
Full of pleasure, chill as cold breeze
Perhaps the winds bid your words sayth:
When we'll meet again and forever stay