Saturday, 15 December 2012

Of fireworks, Lanterns, and LONELINESS

Of fireworks, Lanterns, and LONELINESS

Seems that this person seemed to be lonesome and sad in a middle of an event that lies happiness and perhaps wanting if not needing a companion. 

In fact, quite saddening for this writer thinking that other than having no companion, less money and being late in coming, he felt the loneliness even more as he nearly traversed the academic oval yet end cut short by a passing by of friends who sought him then stayed at the main library wherein others enjoyed playing loud music and a bottle of beer; this writer chose not to drink and instead listening to their chats, but his yearning still remained and he bid thee his friends "goodbye" just to walk again and contemplate.

As he walked by, he felt thinking about people whom he made him happy. Of course, they wouldn't come with reasons such as  they're busy or obviously they simply put no interest in going "on the pretext of nighttime" or something just to say in. It's human enough for this writer to be envious about these people, that made him asked how come they enjoyed with him in theirs yet they couldn't join in and enjoy on his even once such as UP's Lantern Parade?

And as he heard the crackle and boom of the fireworks, of maroon and forest green sparkles in the night skies, he nearly had tears that he immediately wept off thinking that "nothing happens if this be solved through weeping" and instead enjoy beyond loneliness and contemplating. 

And yet, as he heard the song "Last Christmas" by George Michael, lies sadness:

"Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you give it away
This year, to save me from tears
I give it to someone special..."

Perhaps that song quite relating though. It wasn't Christmas but in fact having this writer fell in love to a person would say be serious enough in giving what others do despite saying "is this true or a joke, why not?" to a girl who wanted him to be with her. But that relationship was short-lived due to awkwardness, differences, including money matters and family arguments involving the relationship itself that cost this writer his work and love life, that somehow made him rather focusing on his basic problem such as himself as a person including those of giving up the relationship that perhaps much likely to be described hopeless.

And as the song continues it tends to repeat such flashbacks such as her's as this person tries to move on. In fact, he prefers his inspiration who is also his companion, she didn't join in as well out of getting busy; but in listening to that song sung by George Michael's lies the yearning of wanting a companion, even once in that occasion.

Thinking that he had been miserable all after having an awkward relationship, lies the fact that yes, difficult to keep it firm-coming to think your someone and yours are different in ways of living? One tends to be chill and bit poshy, who loves sight seeing, reading, drinking coffee or listening to some jazz and relaxing music while other one likes wild parties, booty shaking and liquor? The latter's reluctance of not going has the legitimate reason such as busy in certain commitments  but on the other hand does it really mean busy or just plain and simple just answer to hid a real one such as not interested? Well, it is earlier as expected to hear their reluctances despite wanting them to enjoy even once;
After all, this writer had been lonesome aside from being with family and some of his colleagues in the struggle, that he prefers reading in the library and he faced the taunts and foolish remarks that somehow bear some scars and faces of disgust; as expected, the ones he stated whom remained with him understood most the way he understood them so to speak, the lies the outmost feeling of trust and security, love and camaraderie despite the awkwardness and Anyways, seems that the topic turns out to be attackish in nature! (burst of laughter, a respite from sadness)

Perhaps, true enough to consider that you ought seldom, if not cannot please people no matter what it is.

After all, despite the emotions, consummatum est, all has been done; and others would say "next time" about it, but obviously better say "thanks" and leave it out of lessons learned or act choosy the way been done to, thinking that they want to be with you in a certain place they took upon while getting aloof on yours, quite unfair isn't it? After all, it's all about choices, and lies the results no matter what had been made of. Yes, this writer made the event for him to contemplate and nearly soul-searched everything and end writing this kind of reflection that obviously speaks of loneliness, love and a degree of angst especially to the one whom became close yet took chance not such as this. Does it mean relationships be limited on a certain area instead of encompassing everything? Or just be limited to a place like Recto or their favorite areas for they enjoy it with? This writer can't even go not because he doesn't like but he had no time other than writing and his side-line such as designing! Anyways, it's been done, and it may not be easily forgotten as well! He may've been silent but does not mean he cannot convey feelings and be numb such as making this reflection, for he's tired of it. 

Admittingly speaking,  all despite the fireworks, the floats, the Christmas lights, of people around the dearest of alma maters appreciated, lies loneliness that this writer had felt whilst traversing and seeing "happiness" by the lights and feat that's the Lantern Parade. 

That's all had to say, and perhaps my apologies to the stricken.

For now, here's a video from George Michael: